Deciding that a loved one needs memory care can be difficult enough. Figuring out how to tell them they are moving can be even harder.
For families exploring memory care in Greater Indianapolis, there is often a strong desire to help a loved one understand why the move is happening, feel prepared for the transition, and ideally agree that it is the right decision. Those are natural hopes. But when someone is living with dementia, the most thoughtful approach may look different from what we would normally expect during a major life change.
Meet Michele
After caring for members of her own family through dementia and spending years working in memory care and senior living, Michele Magner has dedicated her career to supporting families on the dementia journey. As a Certified Dementia Practitioner with a master’s certification in gerontology, she combines professional expertise with personal experience to offer practical advice, education, and compassionate support.
In a recent Ask Michele discussion, she shared an important reminder for families: there is no single right way to have this conversation. The best approach depends heavily on the individual, where they are in the disease process, and how they currently process and retain new information.
Start With What Your Loved One Can Process Today
Before deciding when to discuss the move, consider how your loved one is currently experiencing new information.
If you tell them something in the morning, are they likely to remember it that evening? The next day? Or does new information disappear within minutes?
This matters because discussing the move repeatedly may not always create the sense of preparation a family hopes for. If each conversation feels like brand-new information, your loved one may experience the fear or sadness of hearing it for the first time again and again.
For some individuals, talking about the move well in advance may be appropriate. For others, limiting advance conversations can create a calmer transition.
Legato Living’s cognitive care approach is centered on recognizing that Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia affect each person differently and providing support based on individual abilities and needs.
You May Not Get the Agreement You’re Hoping For
One of the hardest parts for families can be accepting that their loved one may not understand why additional care is necessary.
Someone living with dementia may believe they are still managing independently, even when family members have quietly taken over medications, meals, transportation, appointments, personal care, or other responsibilities.
That disconnect can make it difficult to reach the kind of mutual decision families understandably want.
It does not necessarily mean the conversation was handled incorrectly. Dementia may simply have changed the person’s ability to recognize or understand their current needs.
The goal becomes less about convincing someone to agree with every aspect of the decision and more about helping them move through the transition with as much comfort, dignity, and security as possible.
Keep the Conversation Focused on Care, Not Blame
If you do talk with your loved one about the move, how the transition is framed can make a difference.
A move into memory care is not a punishment and should not be presented as something the person has caused. Their needs have changed, and the family is responding to those changes with additional support.
Michele encourages families to return to the reasons behind the decision in the first place: love, health, safety, and wellbeing.
For families in Carmel, Westfield, and the surrounding Indianapolis area, Legato Living’s residential memory care homes are designed specifically for people living with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia. Legato’s model centers on smaller residential homes intended to provide familiarity, personalized attention, and a calmer everyday environment.
It Is Okay if You Decide Not to Discuss the Move Far in Advance
Families can sometimes feel guilty about not explaining every detail of an upcoming move.
But there are situations where repeated advance conversations may create more distress than reassurance.
If your loved one is unlikely to retain the information and becomes upset each time the subject comes up, it may be appropriate to take a different approach.
That decision should be based on the person in front of you—not on a universal rule about how a move is supposed to happen.
Michele also recommends involving the memory care team in the process. They may be able to help you think through the transition based on your loved one’s current ability to understand and process what is happening.
If you are still learning about your options, Legato Living’s frequently asked questions provide additional information about its residential model, dementia-specific care, daily routines, safety, activities, and family involvement.
Give Yourself Some Grace, Too
A transition to memory care is not only a change for the person moving.
It is also a major emotional transition for spouses, children, siblings, and other caregivers who may have spent months or years supporting someone they love.
There may not be a perfect conversation or a perfect way to make the move happen.
What matters is making decisions with your loved one’s safety, dignity, and wellbeing in mind—and recognizing that you do not have to navigate every part of the process alone.
Legato Living of Greater Indianapolis provides residential memory care for families throughout the Indianapolis area, including Carmel and Westfield. Its homes are designed around personalized memory care in calm, familiar residential environments.
Have Questions About Memory Care in Greater Indianapolis?
Every family’s situation is different. If you are considering memory care for someone you love, contact the Legato Living of Greater Indianapolis team to ask questions, learn more about available homes, or schedule a visit.
